ghaza

توی ذهنم زمزمه می شد

عمری که نه در عشق تو بگذاشته ام

امروز به خون دل قضا خواهم کرد

فال گرفتم از پسری

خوشا دلی که مدام از پی نظر نرود

به هر درش که بخوانند بی خبر نرود

گفتم: دلت مثل رخت چرکمرده ای می شه که هر چی میشوریش تمیز نمیشه

time, clock, BODY

Regular events of the nature helped the human to find a unit for passing on a line, called TIME. These units helped the human to invent clocks: to live in a world with the same feeling of living, passing, or being! Like every aspect of the society forgetting the difference of personal characteristics of its members: humans! forgetting that each human carries his/her own physiologhical clock.
When I’m thinking I almost forget the time and its passing rate…when I finish, I should check the time with a clock…I always forget the date, I check it with a calendar…I try to forget some memories...I try to control the history and program and function of my mind…these are all my mental activities to be an active part of the society. Forgetting that my body has its own time, date AND memories.

Stomach : 6 hours: hunger
Eye: 1 day : sleep
Nail and hair : 1 week : hygiene
(Blood: 1 month : femininity)

And these time, date and memories could just change with longish stable conditions.body hasn’t any interest in society and it’s completely self-centered.
And since I don’t think about my body, it can work regularly in its natural way!!! And suddenly it bells and I find out without any unconsciousness why it bells. It doesn’t let my mind play its master role. Both of them are selfish and of course they fight in me (I’m not sure about it in other people).
To live in harmony with my body is my great wish for saving peace, power, and pride of my human nature…

خزان

تباه شد تباه

خزان شوم به آن زیبایی

به روی عالم ما بارید

هزارویک

هزارویک شب رسوایی

چهار گوشه عالم را

زنی مچاله کرد

پنجره را باز کرد

دور انداخت

اگرچه

هزار قالی زربفت بافت آفتاب نگاهش به باغ بیگانه

ولی ترنج سینه ما را چه نیمه کاره رها کرد زیر پای خلایق

چه نیمه کاره رها کرد

...

درخت توت

همان چتر کهکشانی امن و امان میدانها

شکسته است

می از صراحی حبسش برون نمی تابد

و بغض دلکش آوازه خوان

بریده بریده به گوش می رسد از صفحه قدیم جوانی

و یک سه تار شکسته

کنار سطل زباله

نشسته است

تباه شد تباه

خزان شوم به آن زیبایی

به روی عالم ما بارید

هزارویک

هزارویک شب رسوایی

too

-tea was undrinkable!
-why?
-“why? “? that means you don’t have a taste too!

تهوع

تلخ نمیخوام باشم اما هستم یه چیزی بدتر تهوع رهام نمی کنه تک تک آدمها و خودم رو تهوع برانگیز می بینم هر ضعفی حالم رو به هم می زنه و به خودم فکر می کنم که یا گاهی همونطور ضعیف بودم یا هستم یا می تونم باشم

از راحت طلبی آدمها بیزارم از تلاششون برای هیچ و پوچ بیزارم
از افسردگی عصبانی می شم شادی رو غیرقابل تحمل می بینم
از جدیت متنفرم از بیخیالی چندشم میشه
از شعر بدم میاد از کلام عق می زنم
از سکوت فرار می کنم موسیقی ها احمقانه بنظر میان
از نیاز آدمها حوصله م سر می ره توی نیازهای خودم خفه می شم
از بغضم خفه می شم از فریادهای خفه ی گلوم، صدام خسته و خراشیده می شه لبهام از هم باز نمی شن گوشهام از شنیدن مدام به ستوه میان سکوت اما مثل مرگشونه مرگ اونها مثل اینه که بگن بسه بمیر اما از اینهمه پوچ اونقدر حرصی ام که نمیخوام بمیرم بیشتر دوست دارم همه زنده های مریض رو پاره پاره کنم و وقتی همه مرگ شدند بسوزونمشون تا خاکسترشون روببینم بعد که مطمئن شدم لاشه شون رو هم نمی بینم شاید اونقدر آروم بشم که بخوام بمیرم

شاید اگه واقعا چند بار حالم به هم بخوره بهتر بشم

reality

The mouse moves over the text and when stops the speakers sound "reality"....

I remember one of my dear friends, who used to write to the hero of her dreams that how she is suffering in his absence…she was the symbol of a dreamer in my thoughts…she married…easily…and that was the end of that dreams…or may be the dreams were dead before….
I think dreams just helped her to wait till the reality change in to a tolerable thing!….I don’t know if that marriage was the choice between a dream and a reality or between different realities, or it was a destiny or it was the conquer of her dreams by the reality of someone else….I don’t know….

I just know I can’t dream anymore…I hate this ….ing reality, but I can’t dream at all…

why in English?

It’s easy to write your thoughts in your native language. We get used to writing in special formats with special words and even with the same concepts; without noticing that we are repeating.
Our mind has a tendency to repeat its products…to improve them…to dive in their oceans…Specially when the concepts are complicated and remain unsolved in its attempts for understanding...just like a good student that one day face a very difficult exam…failing in an exam is less important than facing your inability in solving a problem…the student would struggle to find the solution…this mind would not forget the problem…
To avoid wrong struggles one should return back and trace the ways frequently…thinking in a foreign language, makes it easier to trace your mind, since it decreases the speed of growth of thoughts!!!! ( Specially when you are a beginner in using that language)….
So:
You may improve or stop thinking about a subject…
Besides it helps you to talk briefly and effectively…
And it’s a kind of fresh activity for mind…

A very simple common poem in a foreign language, excites the mind to think and find it, so mind can feel it better, I wanted to make the readers think and feel me better!
Quality is better than quantity….

Recently I’ve decided to have my farsi thoughts written too! Because of two reasons:
in the sudden creation of feelings, they are not English…I want them to be written as soon as they get born…without the delay of a translation or a process of tracing!!!!
And it’s difficult for some friends to understand me in a foreign language…perhaps because of my weak English writing skills…so sometimes I would write both in English and farsi.
I hope it doesn’t make me forget writing!

alive

It’s necessary to run from crowds of pain, but impossible to just go to nothing

Emptiness is strongly opposite of life….like death…and it is unreachable in a real life….life would never decide to walk in the direction of emptiness…since it needs to move, it should make an alive destination…sometimes it’s just wandering to be continued…and may be to find a destination...but it’s so frustrating and time consuming and it may increase the distance if there could be any …
It’s dreaming of course, with a clear or a vague image…and it’s irresistible in going forward in the life…although not enough for reaching or growing…it must change in to a clear image

Some aspects of the soul should be characterized right in the childhood…may be “late” or “wrong” here means “never”.
It should be The first step of the child to learn how to be an actor….life should be played…if no, you have accepted to be a plaything…and that’s a big difference for whole life…after learning to be an actor it should be learnt “how to play”, instead of learning “how to bear the play and go on”…

for a birthday

Every birthday in our family we used to listen to the story of that birth…all of them were fascinating for me, except the one that I knew about it myself…the birth of the last child of the family…the only child born after me…but Maman was a great narrator…I loved to hear her voice, and be amazed of the way she used to express the details of her deep feelings…

Today it was birthday of the last child of the family…the only child born after me…now she is 20…and she has lied there…after 56…I had to be there near her, to tell her details of my deep feelings in the birthday of her child…although she can see and she knows herself….I try to be a narrator…
I just forgot the candles…

lyrics

some lyrics simply calrify definition of words in common life:

(I need a) friend (I want her now)
someone who knows what I mean when I say, that I need
(tender hands to hold me)

waterfalls

Deep shiny love of your eyes would never come to glance in the dark light of lamps and flashes
Deep strong movement of your memories would just get stronger in the blowing of events and time
Deep silent need of your voice would never get satisfied with the rhythm of all dreams and musics
Deep sadness of your life has fallen to the rivers of my eyes
Rivers has become waterfalls … waterfalls are falling to the rivers of my heart

I’m certain that I’ve lost you…I’ve lost you as a part of my body, my soul…I’ve lost the roots of my existence, in a desert, unblossomed… I’ve never drunk you as much as I needed, and I can’t anymore
Nothing could fill the emptiness you have left in my soul … Attaching to my existence, sharing with other existences, nothing could fill the empty existence of your absence

Although … you are